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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148601">as someone guilty of the game</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulousviolet/pseuds/nebulousviolet'>nebulousviolet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, alec has come to the unfortunate conclusion that he is mature, and the general nastiness surrounding coa-era clace lol, isabelle's feelings towards clary are Complicated!, set pre-COG post-COA, slight clary bashing but in line with isabelle's canon opinions n behaviour, tw for mentions of underage drinking ig, xposted from ff.net</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:18:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148601</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulousviolet/pseuds/nebulousviolet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why’d you hate her?” Alec asks after a moment of silence. Like it isn’t blindingly obvious to anyone who takes a fleeting glance at their current situation to understand why Isabelle hates Clary Fray. Isabelle scoffs.<br/>“Why don’t you?” she demands.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood &amp; Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane/ Alec Lightwood (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>as someone guilty of the game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i posted this on ff.net back in august and was very....hesitant about posting it over here given my New And Improved dislike for ms. clare, but there's parts of this that i really like tbh.  the number of cc critical posts ive seen on my dash since then has been very encouraging to the point that i think i can post this on here and not have it seen as an endorsement of clare and her actions, so here goes. anyway this has been cleaned up and edited since the august version, so i hope y'all enjoy lmao<br/>it should be pretty obvious but in case it's not: this is set post city of ashes, pre city of glass.<br/>title from rat by penelope scott</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They don’t talk about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They should, Isabelle thinks. She’s never been one to sit around and sulk; confrontation is her strong suit, as it is Jace’s (probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>strong of a suit, she thinks wryly), and two out of three should be prime fodder for a fight. Clary doesn’t count. Jace would throw a fit if he heard her say that, but it’s Isabelle’s internal monologue, not his, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, Jace keeps sneaking out to get drunk. He acts like neither of them know - which, insulting, Alec’s been drowning his sorrows since he figured out the magical properties of liquor, and Isabelle’s always up for a good time - and so Isabelle has to play along. She’s always been a terrible actress. She vaguely remembers breaking into the Penhallows’ study with Aline and getting twice the reprimand because she hadn’t been able to summon the grace to pretend she was sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isabelle would think about tolerating this behaviour, normally. She’s got more tact than either Jace or Alec give her credit for, and Jace actually has a legitimate reason to pretend he’s stuck in some Shakespearean tragedy for once, so under regular circumstances this would not be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>big deal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Isabelle would put up with his mood swings, subject him to a particularly terrible bowl of pasta, and tell Alec to lay off him for a little while. And Alec would gripe and complain about how Jace wasn’t some delicate flower, that it did him no good to be babied while he threw himself into his hurricane of self-pity and self-destruction, but they’d be okay. The three of them would work it out, eventually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is not under regular circumstances. It is not the three of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate her,” Isabelle says to Alec. She’s sitting on the edge of his bed, picking at a loose thread on his comforter. Alec’s room is less spartan than Jace’s, but only barely; between the two of them, Isabelle knows that he’s afraid to put too much of himself into anything, lest Robert pick up on it and tear him down even further. Not for the first time, Isabelle contemplates the pros and cons of killing their father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Alec asks tiredly. He’s been on patrol all night, perks of turning eighteen. Isabelle, as a minor, is only allowed to accompany him three times a week. How much this vexes her depends on her mood at the time of his departure and arrival.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Magnus might find it cute when you act dumb, but I don’t,” Isabelle tells him. Alec makes a choking sound that she pointedly ignores. “I’m talking about Clary. Obviously.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jace is out drinking again, which is the only reason why Isabelle feels secure enough to say it. She’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared of </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jace - more like scared </span>
  <em>
    <span>for </span>
  </em>
  <span>him, and she’s not going to encourage his little episode by riling him up even more. Look: the less he thinks about Clary, the better. If that means Isabelle has to wait until he’s out of the Institute to bitch about her, then so be it. Never let it be said that Isabelle Lightwood is inherently selfish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Alec says, but there’s less venom - or, hell, sincerity - than Isabelle’s come to expect. She raises her head to look at him, eyes narrowed with suspicion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You traitor,” she declares.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“What?” Alec stares at her. He seems genuinely surprised that Isabelle can read him like a book, which might be advantageous when Isabelle’s pressing him for details on his love life, or whatever Downworld gossip she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>he obtains from Magnus when they’re on their dates that Alec fervently denies are dates, but is just plain annoying now. “I’m agreeing with you.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“No, you’re not,” Isabelle bemoans, and buries her face in the comforter dramatically. It smells like sandalwood. Isabelle hates sandalwood so much that it pries her from her misery, and, by extension, the comforter. “In words, yes, but in spirit you’ve betrayed me. You’ve gone to the dark side. The</span>
  <em>
    <span> Clary</span>
  </em>
  <span> side. Goodbye, Lightwood family honour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec rolls his eyes. His technique has gotten so much better ever since Jace joined the family and inadvertently held a masterclass in eye-rolling for pretty much every other conscious minute. “You’re one to talk,” he says dismissively. “Hanging around with the Daylighter.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That? Pah,” Isabelle blows out her cheeks. “That’s just a bit of fun. Like Meliorn.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“The faerie knight?” Alec asks. He frowns, suddenly serious. “I didn’t like him, Iz.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Me neither,” Isabelle agrees easily. “Bad kisser.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Alec opens his mouth, as if to list off Meliorn’s other flaws - Isabelle knows in particular that he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really not happy </span>
  </em>
  <span>about his sixteen-year-old sister dating an adult, which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so rich</span>
  </em>
  <span> coming from him - but closes it once he realises she’s baiting him. Instead, he throws a sock at her. Isabelle sticks her tongue out at him in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you hate her?” Alec asks after a moment of silence. Like it isn’t blindingly obvious to anyone who takes a fleeting glance at their current situation to understand why Isabelle hates Clary Fray. Isabelle scoffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you?” she demands. “As I recall, you hated her more than I did. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Way </span>
  </em>
  <span>more. The hostility was off the charts.” She mimes an explosion with her hands, and props her chin up with them. “I kept hoping you’d snap and stab her.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That’s against the Law,” Alec says primly, as if they haven’t broken the Law six ways to Sunday at this point. Still, he holds Isabelle’s gaze, as if he’s expecting a real answer. Isabelle sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything went wrong when Clary showed up,” she says softly. “Jace started acting even more reckless than usual, then all the trouble at the Dumort started, and between Hodge and Valentine…” Isabelle trails off, throat suddenly tight, dangerously close to something ridiculous like </span>
  <em>
    <span>tears.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She shrugs. “She’s the, what’d-you-call-it. The catalyst.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“It would’ve all happened eventually, you know,” Alec says. It’s not unkind, but it hurts anyway; Isabelle’s so used to having him unconditionally on her side. “Hodge didn’t decide to work for Valentine just because Clary showed up. Jace didn’t start being-” Alec cuts himself off, unable to say it, “-because of Clary.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I know,” Isabelle snaps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>know. Isabelle’s prone to fits of passion, yes, but she’s inherited her mother’s quick, calculating, strategist’s mind, too. It’s not all Clary’s fault. But Clary and the current state of Isabelle’s home life are inextricable in her mind, and Isabelle hates being in the Institute now, and so Isabelle hates </span>
  <em>
    <span>her.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s simple, easy logic; so simple that Alec followed it, once, followed it even more religiously than she did - than she </span>
  <em>
    <span>does.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Isabelle hasn’t forgotten how he didn’t answer her question - </span>
  <em>
    <span>why don’t you? </span>
  </em>
  <span>- but he must be tired from patrol, and she doesn’t want to start a fight, anyway. Not with Alec, at least. If she had half an idea as to where Jace is tonight, then maybe she’d consider it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird,” Isabelle says at last. “They have the hots for each other. They might act like they don’t, but they do. And Clary’s the one trying to force a normal sibling relationship, making him visit their mom in the hospital. She should back off and take the hint.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Don’t act like we have a monopoly on normal sibling relationships,” Alec says, sharply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s right to be sharp; Alec and Isabelle might not suffer the whole forbidden-romance nightmare that Clary and Jace are stuck in - Alec is, duh, gay, and Isabelle doesn’t believe in love anyway, so it’s completely off the table without even factoring the whole social taboo aspect. But their relationship still isn’t - it’s not like most siblings, and it’s something they have to dance around. There just isn’t anyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span>; for the longest time, Isabelle’s world was her older brother, and then as soon as it wasn’t, following the arrival of Jace, Alec went and fell in love with him. Between Robert’s harshness and Maryse’s inability to separate her cheating husband from the rest of her family life, Alec and Isabelle’s only sources of comfort were one another. Maybe they still are, with the whole Clary and Jace mess. It’s like a spider’s web, Isabelle contemplates, except they’re both the spider and the fly, together, and sometimes the only thing keeping her sane is the fact that she’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>No more spider metaphors, she chides herself. Alec and his arachnophobia would totally freak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She might help us win whatever war against Valentine we find ourselves fighting,” Isabelle declares, “but as soon as that’s over, I never want to see her again. I’ll go on my travel year early, or get myself bitten by a vampire, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but if she thinks I’m going to stick around, she’s wrong.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Isabelle,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Alec hisses, in response to the vampire comment. “That’s not funny.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Probably because it’s not meant to be,” Isabelle says scornfully. She’s hilarious, after all. If she wanted Alec to laugh, she would’ve said something worth laughing at. Isabelle has the most practice in the world at knowing what makes Alec tick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Isabelle can hear the rattle of the Institute’s elevator as it ascends. She knows Alec can hear it, too. They lock eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jace,” they say at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or Clary,” Isabelle adds, after a beat. Because Clary can’t take a hint. Because Clary </span>
  <em>
    <span>keeps showing up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even when she’s not wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going insane,” Alec shakes his head. “Get out of my room and go to bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Come to think of it, Isabelle can’t wait for a war. At least then she can deck Clary and pretend she was aiming for the demon next to her. At least then she will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never have to see her again,</span>
  </em>
  <span> regardless of the outcome.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought cheers her immensely. When she goes back to her own room, she’s feeling downright chipper.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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